Rector’s Ramblings – March 7, 2024

I’ve seen five doctors in as many weeks. Three of those appointments were annual or regular checkups. The other two, which are related, were to try to chase down some insight on a relatively minor health issue. That may be a new record for me. I tend not to visit doctor’s offices often; now and then, I get checked out for something that might need antibiotics or because some ache or pain has cropped up. So many, so close together, has meant spending a fair amount of time in waiting rooms lately, as you might imagine. 

Waiting isn’t bad. I’m not usually sitting there thinking endlessly about what a doctor might tell me. Is it good news or bad? Do I need glasses yet? How’s my cholesterol? But, underneath, there is a general sense of waiting for affirmation of good health. When a specific issue requires diagnosis, it’s been a kind of waiting to find out what exactly is going on. Once you know what something is, you can make a plan to deal with it. I understand that the time between diagnosis and treatment for cancer patients, for example, is a taxing liminal time.

The diagnostic matter in my recent world has not really been confirmed. Sometimes, medicine doesn’t know for sure, even after tests. And if you’re not in front of a doctor or being monitored for symptoms when they show up, there’s not much to be done. Fortunately, my little issue is not life-threatening, as far as all concerned can tell. Nonetheless, it’s always interesting when the answer is, “I don’t know.” Hearing that from a doctor about something personal to me was stranger than the time I heard it from Apple, who was unable to explain or diagnose an issue between my laptop and my monitor; the tech had no information on the problem, so they opened a new tech file to research it in Cupertino. 

Let’s face it: there are just some things we wish we could be certain about and want to know. To know it is to have some mastery or power over it. Knowledge gives us a sense of control. Hearing that others have been where we’ve been lets us know that we’re not alone and not the only person to navigate these waters. Genuinely novel things can be unsettling, to say the least. Remember the last time a novel virus appeared in communities worldw

ide?

 We don’t always get confirming knowledge in matters of faith. Sometimes, we yearn for answers, but they don’t come. One of the things I think we’re all waiting for in our faith journey is affirmation that we’re not alone, that we’re loved, that we’re going to be ok. That affirmation isn’t

 alwaysas straightforward as we’d like, which can be maddening. When we have questions, hearing a priest say, “I don’t know,” in response to some of them can be just as unsettling as when a doctor says it. And let me tell you – it’s often just as unsettling for the doctor and the priest, too. However, there are limits to what we know, and there’s just no way around those limits. That’s what faith is ultimately about – believing, trusting, and hoping into and through the I don’t know.

I can’t tell you when the waiting will come to an end. For some of us, we wait and search for our entire lives. For others, God seems to clarify for us along the way. What I have learned is not to look at the un

answered questions with anxiety but to accept that they come with the territory – for all of us. I’ve got my list scribbled down for the day I meet God face-to-face. Even when my doctor doesn’t have an answer (or the answer I want), I know they are working for my health and good. And if that’s true of my doctors, I can only imagine the extent that it’s true for God, too. In the midst of my waiting, between now and when I get that final call to come back and meet the Great Physician, God is calling me to plenty of other opportunities for prayer, meditation, service, community, love, worship, and so much more. Even though questions linger, the answers slowly take shape every time I accept those invitations.

Tom+

O God, by whom the meek are guided in judgment, and
light riseth up in darkness for the godly: Grant us, in all
our doubts and uncertainties, the grace to ask what thou
wouldest have us to do, that the Spirit of wisdom may save
us from all false choices, and that in thy light we may see
light, and in thy straight path may not stumble; through
Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Photo Credits: Doctor visit and I don’t know via Dreamstime.com subscription.